Healing the Broken Hearted!

I never was much of a writer! There were a couple of times when I surprised myself and whipped up something awesome, but those were college times.  Long ago.... So, I want to start writing about my life mainly because I just want to get it out and be understood!  I am starting a new journey that some of you may disagree with but I'm not exactly seeking permission.  All I've wanted in my life was to be mom and a wife and to raise my family for Jesus!  At 33 years old, I am married and have three beautiful girls that are my world.  But somethings missing......I'm not happy!  Don't get me wrong, when I am with my girls, I am happy and lost in their unconditional love but most days anymore, it's a struggle to do anything more than sit with my girls and play. For a very long time, I've tried not to really throw my whole life out to the public and therefore felt I had to pretend to be happy at times when I was dying inside.  I have friends I went to school with that are such inspirations and role models.  They followed the narrow path and obeyed the Lord and you can see where God has richly blessed them!  Oh, if I could go back!!!  I would do so many things differently.  Hindsight!!!  It's a killer, isn't it?  I want to tell my story!  I've wanted to for awhile now but really was concerned about judgmental people and being "marked" with scornful eyes!  The Lord knows my heart and it belongs to him but unfortunately, I thought my own way of living years ago would all work out and all would be ok!  Oh, how wrong I was! So, for the next while....I'm going to be writing bits and pieces, when the twins allow, and opening my heart up. It may just be my own therapy and that's ok! I don't need comments or anything negative, however, I always welcome loving words and encouragement.  Today, is just an introduction as I'm still trying to piece this all together!  If you'd like to be a part of following along, I invite you, if not, then, don't go any farther!  I'll write more next time. God bless, my friends!

Twins and stuff!

Has it really been over a year since I last posted?  Shows you want twins can do to your life!  And, man, what a journey it has been!  I am so blessed with my babies, all three of my girls.  They are my everything! The twins are now 18 months old!  Kara is now 5 and in Kindergarten! So much has happened! Kara is attending a private school tuition paid for. God is good! I won't write a lot tonight for lack of time but I just wanted to show myself alive and well.  Will def. write more later!

Well, it's been awhile since I've written. I am beginning my new craft of cloth diapering. Not only and I using them on my twins, but I making them myself. I will be posting pics and discussions about it. It's new to me but I love it! Can't wait until I get a mad stash of diapers! Pics to come! Twins are doing great!

Breastfeeding Twins!

Week three of this new journey leaves me exhausted and worn out! True story! I struggled in the beginning with whether or not I was making enough to feel my two little ones. I was so determined to strictly BF but they seemed so hungry! I felt horrible as a mom because I felt like I was putting my wants above their needs. I wanted to BF. However, at their three week weigh in, they had both gained 13 and 11 oz. I was so happy! I wasn't starving my babies!  Now, I'd love to be the supermom that claims to tandem feed all the time, but it just doesn't always work that way. I just read that a lady feeds her twins on demand and individually, unless they are both demanding at the same time, then she tandem feeds. This is a very sacrificing journey, but then....isn't parenting?  I'm still searching for that "routine" we always try to get in the first few weeks.  We're making it, even if the "ladies" feel freeze dried and abused!  It's most definitely worth it!  Here's to more water and healthy eating in the weeks/months to come!

Two months to go!

I am 31 weeks and 4 days pregnant with healthy baby girls. Although some days are very hard to get through due to the constant pain, I am very blessed with healthy girls. My sugar is still seriously being monitored but other than that, this pregnancy has been a healthy one! Seeing a recent tragic post about the loss of a newborn, I cling to my blessing, thanking the Lord everyday that the lives within me are healthy and truly a gift from above. I may complain about my pain but I am thankful for the opportunity to carry God's gifts. I have two months left and now that my shower is over, it's just me and the babies' room. I can't wait!!

I am missing my husband so much but it's been so nice talking to him on the phone. He seems so different. God is really working on him in there. I am praying that God will help me be the wife he needs now and when he's home. God has been teaching me a lot, also. So much selfishness I didn't see before. God is so good!

Kara is doing better than before with her attitude. I am happy for that. She loves going to church at the Manley's. She has so much fun with the Cook girls. They are so cute!

I am trying to get a head start on some spring cleaning. Kara is asleep so I am going to take advantage of this time. I hope you all have a wonderful day!

50 pounds lighter and Missing My Husband.

For 4 months, we have been doing repairs to our house so that we may be approved for Metro. today was the inspection and it passed. I feel 50 pounds lighter. So glad that is over with.

As for Ryan's situation, he's still at London Prison. He sounds goods. He's in the prison choir. That definitely makes time go by faster. I miss him so much. God is really working in our marriage, even though we're apart. He's working in each of our hearts so that when we are together again, we can put to use the wonderful things God has taught us. May 25 is the big day I get to pick him up.

Kara has been in early headstart since he's been gone. I'm really worried about her attitude. She's picking up things that I don't like. She needs Jesus. I don't want her to see what the world has to offer right now. She needs what Jesus has to offer.

I will try and write more on a daily basis. Gotta get crackin on some serious make up work. aye!

Wow! What a morning! I'm really dragging here! I can't get motivated at all. I work in a couple of hours. I still have to shower, get ready and take Kara to my mom's before work. I can't believe he's going to be gone that long. What about Kara's surgery? What about Christmas? I know if I can just make it through the holidays, I'll be ok. I also know what once things settle down and I can write him and actually get one back, I will be ok. He'll be even farther away than before. I really need God's warmth right now. I'm so overwhelmed! Prayer is welcome!

"Jesus On The Mainline" With Mark Lowry (FULL)

Thanksgiving was great! We had my grandma and uncle at my house and it was just the four adults and Kara. It was nice to have my grandma all to myself. She's 85 years old and we never know what holiday will be her last. So, I am very thankful that I was able to spend a whole day with her. She's amazing. I love her so much!

These last two months have been crazy for us. We've been working on the house to get it ready for inspection. I've been trying to get my school work done, I was just offered a new job that starts tomorrow. My plate is full and Christmas is around that corner! I love Christmas! We're rearranging our office room to make room for our tree. I'm so excited! I think I'll on that today.

I've made so many pumpkin pies this last month, I think I'm taking a break til next year.

Well, duty calls! I will write more later on. I just wanted to put something up so I looked alive. I guess I can officially say "Merry Christmas".

Hmmm, Thursday morning! Sitting here doing a little homework, thought I'd write in my blog. I definitely don't do that enough. I'm trying to get motivated to clean up yesterday's mess in my house. I don't think I'm getting enough sleep. I'm so tired all the time. There's too much to do to be so stinkin tired. Ugh! Anyway, I'm really excited about going to my dad's house the day before Thanksgiving for T-day dinner. I love family socials. I'm devastated that my dear 85 year old grandma doesn't have it at her house anymore. It really breaks my heart. I've been going there for holidays since before I could remember. I longed for those times and now they're gone. At least my dad still has them. Between me and my brothers and sister, which all happen to be younger than me, will be bringing lots of yummy food. I'm going to try something different this year and make some pumpkin cheesecake. That is, as soon as I find a good recipe. I've not made before so if anyone has any suggestions. :D Well, Thanks for listening! I am off to do some chores. Have a great day!

Today is a tiring Sunday but I'm trying to make it through it! Good news! We are staying in this house and we don't have to move. I'm so excited about this because we don't have to move right before Christmas. We had to do that last year. Not fun! Now, I'm just waiting for my student loan so we can do some minor repairs to the house. I'm so excited about the Holidays. I plan to do some extra crafts and decorating around the house. I don't usually get into decorating for the fall but I am this year. It makes me happy. Well, I am off to make dinner! Later!

Some friends, Ryan, Kara and I went to a Corn Maze in Sidney, Ohio. It was a lot of fun, however, when I got home, I realized that I could not find my phone. This leaves me very distraut. I can't be without my phone!! I feel somewhat naked in the world of technology. What if someone needs me or texts me? They'll never know that my phone is lost and I'm not just ignoring them. When if my mother calls and I haven't returned her phone call by the end of the day. She'll worry! Ahhhhhhh!!!

Sigh....I'm going to try and call in the morning. But how can I find a phone in a CORN MAZE???? I thing I'm going to cry! Pray for me friends that my phone is really stuck in the couch or something! That would be AWESOME!

Well, It's Saturday morning. It's chilly outside, no sun and definitely a day to visit my mom. Last night, we went to Paul's Senior night game. So, glad we went!! Ryan saw all five of his children! It was great! Chiefs lost to Shawnee 31-34 but it was a great game!

Ya know, it really got me thinking about how fast time flies. This year both my stepson, Paul and my sister are graduating. It makes me miss HS and how much I missed out because we moved around so much! The sports, the dances, the memories. I don't have any! I've somehow blocked the memories of my school years out and I don't like that. That's part of who I was and I can't remember. So, my advice to these soon to be grads. Ceaze every opportunity you have and never take any of it for granted because before you know it, it will be gone!

We had a wonderful night! So glad Kara got to see her brothers and sisters.

Well, I'm off to my mother's house. I'm going to fix her bookshelf! It's seen better days! Have a blessed Saturday!

Sniffles and Sneezes!!

My poor baby is sick. She's got the runny nose, sneezing and puffy watery eyes. Today is going to be a nonproductive day for me because she's wanting me to hold her while she's watching Roger's and Hammerstein's Cinderella. I'm sure she will watch it a few times today, she loves that movie! I'm wanting to work on the kitchen this week and also attack Mt. Washmore (Clean laundry piles) Aye! Then, I have late homework to finish. I did get a big chunk done last night. I feel better already. Well, I better get to doing something while I have a moment. Have a blessed Thursday!

I made Ryan a special Blackberry pie. It was the first pie I've ever made that had a top crust. It was fun! I actually added some cut out flowers on the edge. It was cute. It was a total surprise. I asked him to get "dinner" out of the oven. hee hee. He loved it!

I'm back, everyone!

Wow! It's been a long time since I've written on this thing. I'd like to try to stay caught up and do some things with it. A lot's happened since I've last written. I am in grad school now pursuing my Masters in Teaching. I have two classes to go. I'm excited but I still have a lot of work ahead of me. Kara, on the other hand, is doing wonderful. She's so smart and adorable. She makes me laugh so many times a day. I don't know what I ever did before God gave her to me. I'm excited about the wonderful things He has in store for us. Well, I'm just finishing my homework, so I think I am going to head for bed!! Have a great day, everyone!

Nervous and excited!

Wow, I just read Sarah's blogs and girl, your blogs do something to me. I can't imagine what you go through on a daily basis and yet you keep going. You encourage me so much! I'm praying for you.
Kara is growing up so fast. We just had my nephews for about a week. Some of you may remember them from school, when I would request prayer for them. Anyhow, there was a little accident the other day. Kara was standing at the front screen door. She is 13 1/2 months old so she's a little wobbly. Skyler opened the door from the outside and out went Kara, right on her noggin! Found out later, after her nose turned red and then scabbed, that it wasn't quite her head she hit but her nose. It was so sad, but she's a trooper. About 2 days before that, she got 6 vaccines. It was so horrible watching that poor baby cry like that. And of course, me being the mommy, I had to be the one to hold her hands down. So, when the nurse was done, out go daddy's arms and rescued she is. I think she's forgiven me now.
Tomorrow is my first day of Graduate school. I am very excited but very nervous. I'm stressing out about money. I got a computer and internet so I can start my classes and my first payment for the computer is this Friday. However, I am getting a student loan but I'm not sure when I actually get it. I thought it would be sooner than this. So, I'm a little worried how I am going to pay for this. School is out so I no longer substitute.
Well, I better get going. I have a big day tomorrow. God Bless!

Broken ankle!

Ok, so some friends and I were out socializing in front of our apartments and my brother and a friend were play wrestling across the parking lot. Next thing we know, my brother is yelling out that he broke his ankle. Well, my brother jokes around a lot so I didn't think he was serious at first but as we were coming up on him, I saw his ankle completely bent back the other way. It about made me sick. So, I called 911 and he is now on his way to the hospital. I stayed home with my daughter and my nephew, Isaac. I feel so sorry for him and worse yet, the kid that was wrestling with him is sooo beating himself up. he was crying. My heart broke. He's a junior in high school and he's been wrestling since 2nd grade and he's never hurt anyone. So, he was pacing back in forth until he was in tears. Wow. The break was pretty bad. I don't know if he'll have to have surgery. I'll keep ya posted!

My baby girl is sick again.

I took Kara to Children's Hospital last night. She has two ear infections, and an URI. Poor baby. Ryan and I are discussing the options of getting tubes put in her ears. She's only 12 months old and she's had more ear infections than I've had my whole life. The nurse said too many ear infections can effect her hearing. Ryan already has problems with that on his side of the family so we need to be careful. I want to do what's best for her.
I had three job assignments this week at the middle school here in town. I was in the computer lab. We had a two hour delay. I so needed that extra sleep and so did Kara. It was nice.
This weekend is Mother's Day. I'm not sure what I'm doing. I am definitely going to go and see my mom and grandma. I want to get a picture of the 4 generations of daughters. I forgot my camera last year. Kara was very very young, not even a month old yet.
My poor garden is suffering. I don't know what else to do. I think I'm going to have to actually buy and plant some flowers because the seeds are not doing their job. We'll see what happens. Well, better get back to my students. Have a great weekend.