Healing the Broken Hearted!

I never was much of a writer! There were a couple of times when I surprised myself and whipped up something awesome, but those were college times.  Long ago.... So, I want to start writing about my life mainly because I just want to get it out and be understood!  I am starting a new journey that some of you may disagree with but I'm not exactly seeking permission.  All I've wanted in my life was to be mom and a wife and to raise my family for Jesus!  At 33 years old, I am married and have three beautiful girls that are my world.  But somethings missing......I'm not happy!  Don't get me wrong, when I am with my girls, I am happy and lost in their unconditional love but most days anymore, it's a struggle to do anything more than sit with my girls and play. For a very long time, I've tried not to really throw my whole life out to the public and therefore felt I had to pretend to be happy at times when I was dying inside.  I have friends I went to school with that are such inspirations and role models.  They followed the narrow path and obeyed the Lord and you can see where God has richly blessed them!  Oh, if I could go back!!!  I would do so many things differently.  Hindsight!!!  It's a killer, isn't it?  I want to tell my story!  I've wanted to for awhile now but really was concerned about judgmental people and being "marked" with scornful eyes!  The Lord knows my heart and it belongs to him but unfortunately, I thought my own way of living years ago would all work out and all would be ok!  Oh, how wrong I was! So, for the next while....I'm going to be writing bits and pieces, when the twins allow, and opening my heart up. It may just be my own therapy and that's ok! I don't need comments or anything negative, however, I always welcome loving words and encouragement.  Today, is just an introduction as I'm still trying to piece this all together!  If you'd like to be a part of following along, I invite you, if not, then, don't go any farther!  I'll write more next time. God bless, my friends!

Twins and stuff!

Has it really been over a year since I last posted?  Shows you want twins can do to your life!  And, man, what a journey it has been!  I am so blessed with my babies, all three of my girls.  They are my everything! The twins are now 18 months old!  Kara is now 5 and in Kindergarten! So much has happened! Kara is attending a private school tuition paid for. God is good! I won't write a lot tonight for lack of time but I just wanted to show myself alive and well.  Will def. write more later!

Well, it's been awhile since I've written. I am beginning my new craft of cloth diapering. Not only and I using them on my twins, but I making them myself. I will be posting pics and discussions about it. It's new to me but I love it! Can't wait until I get a mad stash of diapers! Pics to come! Twins are doing great!

Breastfeeding Twins!

Week three of this new journey leaves me exhausted and worn out! True story! I struggled in the beginning with whether or not I was making enough to feel my two little ones. I was so determined to strictly BF but they seemed so hungry! I felt horrible as a mom because I felt like I was putting my wants above their needs. I wanted to BF. However, at their three week weigh in, they had both gained 13 and 11 oz. I was so happy! I wasn't starving my babies!  Now, I'd love to be the supermom that claims to tandem feed all the time, but it just doesn't always work that way. I just read that a lady feeds her twins on demand and individually, unless they are both demanding at the same time, then she tandem feeds. This is a very sacrificing journey, but then....isn't parenting?  I'm still searching for that "routine" we always try to get in the first few weeks.  We're making it, even if the "ladies" feel freeze dried and abused!  It's most definitely worth it!  Here's to more water and healthy eating in the weeks/months to come!

Two months to go!

I am 31 weeks and 4 days pregnant with healthy baby girls. Although some days are very hard to get through due to the constant pain, I am very blessed with healthy girls. My sugar is still seriously being monitored but other than that, this pregnancy has been a healthy one! Seeing a recent tragic post about the loss of a newborn, I cling to my blessing, thanking the Lord everyday that the lives within me are healthy and truly a gift from above. I may complain about my pain but I am thankful for the opportunity to carry God's gifts. I have two months left and now that my shower is over, it's just me and the babies' room. I can't wait!!

I am missing my husband so much but it's been so nice talking to him on the phone. He seems so different. God is really working on him in there. I am praying that God will help me be the wife he needs now and when he's home. God has been teaching me a lot, also. So much selfishness I didn't see before. God is so good!

Kara is doing better than before with her attitude. I am happy for that. She loves going to church at the Manley's. She has so much fun with the Cook girls. They are so cute!

I am trying to get a head start on some spring cleaning. Kara is asleep so I am going to take advantage of this time. I hope you all have a wonderful day!

50 pounds lighter and Missing My Husband.

For 4 months, we have been doing repairs to our house so that we may be approved for Metro. today was the inspection and it passed. I feel 50 pounds lighter. So glad that is over with.

As for Ryan's situation, he's still at London Prison. He sounds goods. He's in the prison choir. That definitely makes time go by faster. I miss him so much. God is really working in our marriage, even though we're apart. He's working in each of our hearts so that when we are together again, we can put to use the wonderful things God has taught us. May 25 is the big day I get to pick him up.

Kara has been in early headstart since he's been gone. I'm really worried about her attitude. She's picking up things that I don't like. She needs Jesus. I don't want her to see what the world has to offer right now. She needs what Jesus has to offer.

I will try and write more on a daily basis. Gotta get crackin on some serious make up work. aye!